| Ben O.: | it'd be great if you could sunset your use of non-heliocentric times. |
| Gabe B.: | whatever, galileo |
| Joe F.: | the award for best use of "Galileo" as an insult goes to Gabe |
TSA Agent: Please remove your shoes and place all belongings on the conveyor belt. Make sure you have your boarding pass and ID out and ready, and all sandwiches must be rendered to me [record scratch!]. Ah, I’m just joshin’ ya.
Me: Yes, well, ha-ha. This is my sandwich.
Agent: That’s a good idea. I wish my wife would make me one, ha-ha.
Me: Yes, this is pretty much exactly how funny I expected the security checkpoint to be.
I got my sandwich through intact.
I made friends with another bird, which I don’t know the name of. But one who likes to hop & fly into the air and catch flying bugs.
— David Lynch (@DAVID_LYNCH) April 12, 2012
Dear Twitter Friends, a mole came to visit & can’t seem to get out of the cement area. We’re feeding the mole almonds, oats, water & celery.
— David Lynch (@DAVID_LYNCH) May 25, 2012
Pretty sure that David Lynch is actually Snow White.
| Me: | Does any other religion have a tasteless cracker? Catholics have the communion wafer - |
| J, shaking his head and laughing: | It's not a cracker. |
| Me: | WHATEVER. There's a communion wafer, and Judaism has matzah, but are there any others? |
| M: | Don't Muslims have something? |
| Me: | No, I don't think so. |
| M: | I'm pretty sure they do. |
| Me: | Based on your knowledge of Muslims, YOU may be the tasteless cracker. |
| M: | Well done. |
My girlfriend, on “The Princess Diaries”. This is basically why we’re dating
